I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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