he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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