remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
