Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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