If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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