So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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