We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
