this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
