I wish I only lived at night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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