I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i now understand why vodka
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
