I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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