what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
