he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize