my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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