Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
