Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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