there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
