like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
