This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize