i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
