I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
