grandma shit on top of the toilet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
