I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
