whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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