I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
