I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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