Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
