umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
