im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
