Just cropdusted the office
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
