she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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