sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My cat gives me a boner
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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