just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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