I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
