Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
