the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
