My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
barbara walters just said penis...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
