I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
