3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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