so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
