I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
