he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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