oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
