Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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