It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
