so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
