Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
