i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize