so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
