Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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