If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
