I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
