Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
