I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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