hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
