everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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