my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
