i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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