3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
