i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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