btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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