If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize