Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize