Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
