If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
