i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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