new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
