If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
