Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
