apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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