hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i came on her dog
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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