the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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