I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize