I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
