Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
