That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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