Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
