i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
