to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize