I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
