Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
