his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
