it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
