just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
