i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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